Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Humor: Being pulled over by a Police Officer

Back in the 60's I was a cocktail waitress and a little on the naive side. Our town was small and so I was acquainted with several police officers that walked the down-town beat. One of them was very nice and he also raised ducks like I did, so we would trade ducks back and forth (just so you know my relationships were all platonic - weird, but platonic). Some of these officers eventually got promoted from foot to actual patrol cars. I was always in a hurry when I drove and got a few tickets from the officers I did not know, but usually the ones I knew would give me a pass unless they happened to be using radar. They would apologize profusely for having to give me a ticket since it was already recorded on the machine.

As a cocktail waitress I often had to close the bar and would be driving home between 2:30 and 3 am. I had an old 1948 Buick, it ran well, but there were many little things wrong with it. As I drove home one night, I heard a "whoosh" but it was dark so I didn't really see anything. I drove on and shortly an oncoming car did a u-turn and began following me, the lights went on and then the sirens. I am thinking, I am not speeding (at the moment), so I just kept driving - another two miles. I did not want to go home because the lights and sirens would wake up my parents, so I went a couple blocks away into an alley and finally stopped.

A very frustrated police officer came up to my window and asked, "Was I blind, did I not see the lights?" I replied calmly, "I did, but I thought I would try to outrun you." Mind you the speed limit was 35, which I carefully was doing once he got behind me. There was not much chance of outrunning the police in that car even if I wanted to, but it sounded plausible to me - hey, I was tired. He tried to hold back a chuckle and then glanced at the front of my car noticing that there was no hood. He asked where the hood was, and I assured him that it was there when I left work, but he was right, it was gone. Then I remembered the "whoosh" that I had heard earlier. I explained that I had heard a "whoosh" back before he began following me and it must have blown off. You and I know that 35 mph is not fast enough for the wind to lift up an old (very heavy) Buick hood and I had to be doing at least 70 at the time of lift off, of course he knew that too, but he was a kind, and sympathetic man.

The officer, who I did not know at the time, looked at my license and saw that I only lived two blocks away, he sighed and told me to go home. He told me that he could tell I was speeding when he turned and followed me, but that I had slowed before he got behind me so he did not have time to gauge the speed. No, I would not get a ticket, but tomorrow, I should fix my headlight (the initial reason he spotted me) and then go look along the road for my hood. Maybe you can have one of your friends attach the hood to the hinges so that it won't fly off next time you are speeding. Of course it was the talk of the station and my police officer friends would often chuckle and ask how I expected to outrun the police in my Buick, at 35 mph.

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