Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Why Men Should Listen to Their Wives

I don't know about other marriages, but in our 39 years my husband generally listened to me; never followed my advice, but he did listen. In the last few years I have pretty much given up talking to him at all, because what is the point? He informs me of yet another great plan, I say that is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard, then he proceeds to follow through and prove me right.

He likes old cars, and he has purchased a few to work on after he retires. This was a nice idea, except that he was 27 at the time and now the cars are rusty piles of metal. He has a large shed to store some of them, these are still workable, but most have deteriorated beyond recognition. Four years ago he heard of an old car dealer that was an antique car collector. The man died and his wife had about 85 (yes 85) various GM fenders for sale. These were fresh from the factory in the 50's and 60's. I can buy them for $50 each and sell them for at least $200 each because they don't make them any more. Of course they don't make them any more, there are no cars to put them on, I thought to myself. "Do what you want, honey," I said, knowing that no matter what I said he was going to spend the money and bring home his treasure.

Of course this is not the end of it, we had to lay them all out, and I (yes me) had to take pictures of each one, place them on the computer complete with descriptions so we could put them on Craig's List. "This is a really good investment, dear, thank you for your help," he beamed. I might want to remind everyone that everything he has invested in has not panned out, so I smiled and said, "You are welcome, you brilliant man." These fenders have been on Craig's list for 3 1/2 years now and spent a little time on EBay, too. He has sold one fender for $200 (yep, one whole fender). We have received several emails from various places in the world wanting to send us cashier's checks for way over the asking price and the shipper would handle the shipping. One guy said, "I am so excited about your item, I have been looking for one of these for many years, I am going to surprise my daughter on her wedding.” That will be a surprise alright; ahh, someone with a smaller brain than my husband's, well live and learn.

I am so tired of being constantly bombarded with these emails and explaining to my husband that, "No, these are not real people who love your fenders; no one loves your fenders, no one wants your fenders, only you want your fenders; and now you have 84 of them to go out and hug every day." He finally decided that it was not a good idea, and can't understand why I did not tell him no before he spent the money.

We have never played at the stock market because neither of us are bright enough to understand it. He decided one day to invest $1,000 on Canadian oil sands. "If that makes you happy dear," I replied. He did, and of course the $1,000 is gone; but not to be deterred, he decided to invest in Boeing when the stock was down. Finally I put my food down; I mean this is a matter of national security. "No, you are not even going to buy one share, everything you invest in goes out of business or sits around collecting dust. The Boeing workers need their jobs and if you invest, the company will go broke and they will all be destitute!" A couple of years later, Boeing's business improved, and the stock went way up; he makes a sad face and said, "I could have made a killing!" "No dear, but you should be proud, it is because of your lack of investing that the business is blossoming; I am sure the company is thanking its lucky stars that you stayed away from them."

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