Humor: Coffee

Coffee and I have a long history. By the time I was Six (yes 6), I was having coffee and toast for breakfast. Of course the coffee had cream and sugar and was not black. You probably think I had really bad parents, but this was back in the day when no one knew what was or wasn't good for you. Not to mention, there was no cooking involved, which pleased my mother greatly. By the time I was a teen, I started eating regular food for breakfast, but still had my coffee. After I was married and pregnant - coffee was out, it made me sick, but once the morning sickness was gone, I was back on my coffee and by this time, there was no more cream and sugar, just rich black coffee.

As time went on, hubby started making the coffee and he liked his bitter. Really, when coffee is bitter there is nothing you can do to make it taste good. The smell was enticing, but it tasted like last week's road-kill. I started drinking tea, but there was not enough caffeine to keep me going, what was I to do? Chocolate you say? Yes, that would do - perhaps 4 or 5 chocolate bars a day would work (maybe 10 or 11). There was not a thought in my head as to what that much candy would do to my waistline until it was too late. I was hopelessly hooked and coffee was no longer the answer to my caffeine addiction.

Eventually, some brilliant mind invented Starbuck's and everyone else had to get in on the "big money" ride so espresso stands popped up on every corner. Mind you, I was already nearly 50 years old before espresso stands became popular. Of course I tried it and I liked it, so several times a week I splurged - usually some flavored mocha - the more caffeine the better. One little stand I frequented started serving white coffee and advertised "more bang for your buck!" Oooh, I have got to try that; I did, and I found out that I could have four to six shots and it still was creamy and tasted like cocoa; no bitter coffee taste will pass these lips again. A plus to that was with that much daily caffeine intake, I no longer needed my daily half dozen or so chocolate bars. Maybe I will lose weight too; no it is really too late for that as my metabolism moved to another country.

After awhile hubby decided it was too much of a luxury, not to mention totally unaffordable. So money is more important to him than I am now, well we will see about that! I purchased my own espresso machine, the syrups, chocolate and the white coffee. I made my own, every morning, 4 shots, yummy! I ran out of the coffee one weekend and I was a total zombie, regular coffee did not work, candy did not work, going to an espresso stand did not work. I finally just went back to bed and gave up. Monday morning I was off to score some of my white stuff. My supplier was out, I went door to door pleading. Most of them never heard of white coffee and could not help me. Finally, a grocery outlet had a little one-pound bag that no one wanted - that will only make 24 shots, but that will give me three days to find more and a three-day waiting period for them to grind it. I found a new place that had organic beans (I didn't really care where the beans came from at that point), so I was thrilled with this new company.

My wonderful coffee people would grind me about five pounds every two to three weeks. Then came the day when they said, "The white coffee beans are harder and moister than the other coffee beans and they wear out the burrs sooner than we would like; so we can no longer grind white coffee for you." Auughh, I cannot even function without my coffee, I begged them, but to no avail. They were sympathetic and said they would still roast the beans for me, but I would have to get my own grinder. They also told me that EBay had some reasonable, small burr-grinders and they were cheaper to buy than the replacement burrs.

I bought five machines to start with and I am happily grinding my coffee beans and brewing my four-shot mocha every morning. I can make them for friends and family and everyone seems very happy with the treats. Hubby is happy because I no longer try to rip his eyes out when he says good morning, but mostly because he thinks he is saving money - I have five more grinders on order.