Thursday, February 11, 2010

Humor: Christmas Decorating

I grew up with a mother that liked the spruce trees because of their almost equally separated branches. After the bulbs and lights were on, she would string at least ten boxes of aluminum icicles on the branches so it looked like it was raining silver. By the time I got married, it was such a tradition to me that my trees were exactly the same. After ten years into this, I looked at the tree one year and decided it looked like an imitation aluminum tree and it was pretty ugly. For a couple of years I had to put a couple of boxes of tinsel on the tree because the kids said it looked naked, but after that we went cold turkey – no more tinsel to clog the vacuum cleaner – yippee.

We did the manger scene and had some animated figures placed at various locations inside the house, since the outdoor decorations would blow away because of the wind where we live. We tried one year and they all blew away, never to be found again (I am thinking neighbors found them and had a garage sale), but that is only an opinion.

One year I decided to put a cross on top of our shop with red lights flowing from it(blood) and 15 or 20 strings of white motion lights extending from either side (grace). Of course no one was home to help me and while I was 15 feet in the air on the ladder, it slipped and down I went. I landed on my feet, but I am sure that is where I lost my 2” in height as my spine crunched together.

I got back up on the ladder and finished the display; it was beautiful for two days until a gust of wind blew it all apart, then it was just a blob of red lights, with non-working (motion) white lights hanging down from the peak in a long, fat stream. It looked like a rocket ship with a red nose and again, the neighbors were amazed at my lack of decorating ability and wondered what theme I was trying to convey – Rocket Rudolph perhaps.

Finally, I decided the outdoor decorations were not worth it; and since I am short already, I could not afford to lose another two inches in height; so I opted for a short, imitation, rotating fiber optic tree (in the house). Take it out of the box, straighten the branches, plug in and the decorating is done. (Play the hallelujah chorus here).

Over the years we have acquired boxes and boxes of decorations and as each child married I was able to send them off with a box or two as a starter package. We had five kids and you would think my decoration supply would be depleted, not so. We have boxes and boxes still stored in every nook and cranny of the house. Lights, ornaments, mini ornaments, wreaths, imitation greenery and don’t forget the Christmas village that is so big, it would take a whole room to set up.

Last year is the first day-after-Christmas sale I did not attend, if I bought anything at all, we would not have anywhere to store it, we also have enough wrapping paper and ribbon to last at least for three years after I die. My kids already have their own ample supply of decorations and don’t want to inherit any more, so I am thinking that hubby will make a killing on eBay for at least a year or two after my demise. (Play in its entirety, the Handel’s Messiah here).

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